The Promiscuous Misadventures of a Very Suddenly Married Elleth
by thetravelingelf
Summary: I woke up the next morning with one flip flop on in some strange bed, and a fake eyelash stuck in my hair. Quickly sitting up straight I reviewed yesterdays events: 1. I now had pointed ears. 2. I was apparently married. 3. I was called both an elf, a witch, and a hobbit(the last of which I had no idea what that was). 4. Now I had to figure out a way to get home.
1. Wifey Material?

I stood in front of the mirror, doing a small twirl to make sure I looked alright. Adjusting my cleavage and fluffing my hair, I grabbed my bags and set off towards my car.

Excited, I thought about what the next two weeks had in store for me. My best friends and I rented a hotel room near a beach for a girls trip.

We were a bit of a wild group, always finding ways for cheap thrills and fun adventures. We'd all been saving up for ages, it was supposed to be one for the books. After this, every one would be too busy moving, or graduating, or getting married.

I was just going through the doorway, trying to pick up all three of my large bags so they wouldn't drag on the wet ground, when I fell.

It had been raining you see. I slipped.

Next thing I knew, I opened my eyes and I was surrounded by strangers.

I scrambled up, putting my hands out in front of me in defense.

Everyone was dressed in odd clothing. They were all in a circle around me, pointing swords and axes at me.

_Swords? Axes?_

"What the hell is going on?" I yelled, whirling around, panicked. "Where am I?"

A small man with a helmet and long beard charged towards me with an axe. "What devilry is this?" He growled.

I yelped and backed away, but there were more strange men behind me.

One especially tall man pointed menacingly in my face. "Who are you evil woman?"

Screaming, I snatched my keys out of my pocket and sprayed my pepper spray that was attached to the chain in his face. "Ahh get away from me _Highlander_!"

Strong hands pulled me back as the tall man held his hands in his face grimacing and yelling in pain. "Who is Highlander you horrid creature?"

I opened my mouth to reply, but before I could a silence fell.

Everyone seemed to freeze and look in the same direction. A younger man in the circle around me had stood up, his long blonde hair moving in the wind.

His eyes never broke contact with mine.

My heart skipped a beat.

"That is my wife."

Everyone gasped and then suddenly everyone was yelling.

_"What is the meaning of this!"_

_"It is the ring! The ring has brought this evil upon us!"_

_"Is that another hobbit?!"_

_"She must be a witch!"_

_"How did she appear from the thin air?"_

Eyes wide I looked away from the blonde man and spun around. "What the hell? Who are you people?"

Another long haired man came towards me, extending his arms gently. "Come with me Annie."

I moved my arms away towards my chest, turning away from him. "Who are you? How did I get here? How did you know my name?"

He just beckoned for me to come with him. "We must get you...covered."

I looked down. I was just wearing a crop top and jean shorts, hardly indecent.

He led me through stone pathways away from the angry yells of the crowd I had landed in. A young woman with bright blue eyes and black hair ran towards me.

"Annie!"

I just stared at her. She had pointed ears.

"Annie I cannot believe it is you!" She gushed, gawking at me.

Shaken, I shook my head at her. "I'm sorry, I don't know who you are."

She looked confused. "It is me Lady Annie. Arwen."

I continued to shake me head. Her eyes watered and the man led me to a room in a stone building.

The man stared at me as I stood shaking in the middle of the room. "You are not a prisoner here Annie. You have been here before."

Feeling exposed, I nodded. "Can I just have my bags please?"

Right as I spoke two identical men brought my belongings in. They gawked at me before being hushed out of the room.

The man bowed at me. "I will leave you to settle in. I am sure you have many questions, as do we. All will be answered soon. Welcome back."

I glared at him as the door shut, then basically jumped onto my bags, unzipping them and throwing all my stuff around, trying to find something useful to help me. I flung aside my bras and underwear and snatched up my phone.

Holding it in the air, I tried to find signal. Of course there wasn't any.

"No no no no nooooo this is not happening."

I ran to the window and tried to hang out of it, hoping to reach far enough to grab a cell tower. Nothing.

Looking down, I realized it was way to high in the air to jump out. I looked around wildy and gasped. In front of me was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. Gorgeous buildings and trees and waterfalls stood before my eyes. I lost my breathe as I counted literally _three different rainbows_ sprouting from various places over the city. It couldn't be real.

Shaking, I went back to my bag, trying to find a weapon I could use just in case. All I had was a pair of heels and huge bottle of vodka, which I supposed I could use to knock someone out.

A foreboding tap sounded at the door. I scrambled up. It was the tall blonde man that had called me his wife. His mouth was set in a firm line and quite frankly he looked pissed off. He surveyed me and lifted an eyebrow at the various undergarments and socks surrounding me. "You should put clothes on."

I scoffed and gestured at myself. "I am wearing clothes."

Well, not exactly a modest outfit, but in my defense I was headed towards a beach, and dancing, and tequila shots, not a nunnery.

His eyes darkened as he looked at my red cropped halter top, jean shorts, and flip flops, completed with several rings, necklaces, big hoop earrings, and my belly button pierced. His eyes widened when he settled on that part.

Feeling vulnerable, I crossed my hands over my chest and scowled at him. "You can't just keep me here. I don't know who you are, but as soon as my friends find out I'm missing they'll alert the authorities."

He looked sad and shook his head. "They will not come for you Annie."

I backed away. "What do you mean? Of course they will."

He gazed at me for several seconds, not saying a word. He was dressed in the same odd clothing as everyone else, with long blonde braided hair and to my alarm pointed ears. He reached up a hand as if he wanted to touch me. I shuddered and stepped away from him. His blue eyes were so intense they scared me more than anyone else I had seen. "No, they will not, and I am afraid I will have to leave you."

"What? Why?" For some reason that made me even more anxious."

He sighed. "A quest I cannot name."

I rolled my eyes. Everyone here was really into pretending to be from medieval times. The speech and costumes all looked so real. "I still don't even believe you're my husband either."

"It is true."

I squinted at him. "If we're married why are you leaving me as soon as I get here?"

"This quest is unfortunately more important than my own desires, for it is of the safety of Middle Earth itself."

"Okay then..." I drawled, deciding I'd play along so maybe I could trick him into getting back home. "If you know me so well, how did I get this scar on my knee." I asked, lifting my leg dramatically.

"You were in a fight with a boy who hurt your friend when you were seven years old."

I backed away, gawking at him. "Stalker!" I yelled.

"No Annie." he whispered.

Breathing heavy, I shook my head fervently. "Someone will find me soon and take me home. My friends will have called the police by now."

The man gave me one last saddened look before he turned around and left the room. I bent down and threw my flip flop at the door behind him, pissed off and officially panicking. I tried my phone again, still getting nothing. I paced around the room, trying to figure out a plan to get out. A knock sounded on the door. I looked up and the beautiful woman with the dark hair came in.

She seemed nervous, which was absurd to me. She slowly stepped towards me. "My dear Annie, please do not be afraid. May I come in and have a word?"

I nodded and she continued. "I know this must all seem frightening, but we are here to help you. You have been here before, if you could just remember."

Frowning, I looked around at the room. There was old stone walls and plain wooden furniture. Absolutely nothing looked familiar. I turned back to look at her. "Honestly, woman to woman, I just think it's a little crazy you're in on this prank or kidnapping or whatever all this is." I gestured towards her. "I mean in this day and age, we ladies are supposed to stick together."

The door opened again and some other woman with pointed ears quietly came into the room, carrying a tea tray. As she left, Arwen poured me a cup and handed it to me. I eyed her suspiciously and took a small sip. Not seeing anything wrong, I downed the rest of it, quite thirsty from the day. She shifted in her seat and took a deep breath. "Now I do not want you to be frightened, but I must show you something."

I eyed her wearily. She took another deep breath and shuffled around behind her and pulled out a rolled up parchment. "This was made soon before you left us." She carefully unrolled it and held it up to me.

I couldn't believe my eyes. "Is that...is that me?" A painted picture looked back at me. It was definitely _me_. I was almost smiling, with long hair and pointed ears that poked through.

_Pointed ears?_

My hands slowly crept up the side of my head where I felt the tips of my ears, only, they didn't feel like my ears anymore. They felt pointed, just like the painting staring back at me. I stood up quickly, knocking my chair over. A rush of dizziness came over me and I struggled to stand up. "Who are you people?" My vision started to go black. "What did you put in that tea?"

Next thing I knew I dropped to the ground and everything was black.

* * *

**Next Chapter:**

**"I may be deflowered but I will _not _be devalued!"**

* * *

**HEY EVERYONE! I wrote a prequal to this story, but honestly you dont have to read it before this story if you dont want to. please please please review. Chapters will be longer :)**


	2. Bread Rolls and Escape Plans

I woke up the next morning with one flip flop on in some strange bed, and a fake eyelash stuck in my hair. Quickly sitting up straight I reviewed yesterdays events:

1.) I now had pointed ears.

2.) I was apparently married.

3.) I was called both an elf, a witch, and a hobbit(the last of which I had no idea what that was).

4.)Now I had to figure out a way to get home.

Scrambling out of the strangely comfortable mattress, I slowly crept up to the door, pressing my ear to the wood. Not hearing anyone, I turned the knob as quietly as I could and peaked outside before moving out of the room. Crouching low to the ground, I stealthily made my way down the hall.

I really thought I was doing a good job, peeking behind corners and crawling past doors. I was so distracted I didn't see them until I looked up. Five men stared at me from the courtyard they stood in, including the blonde man who claimed to be my husband. Still on all fours in my crouched position, I clumsily stood back up, patting my hair down and swiping dirt off myself.

One man who literally looked like a dirty Santa spoke up. "Good morning Lady Annie."

I put my hands on my hips and glared. "Good _morning_? You think this is a _good morning_? I hissed, emphasizing my words with quotation marks. "I'd say this is a bad morning. Unless you'd say kidnapping is a good thing."

He chuckled and gave me an endearing smile. "Lady Annie, this is no kidnapping. In fact, you are as free as ever."

Not having any clue what he meant, I scoffed. "That's exactly what a kidnapper would say. Now let me go home!"

The blonde man stepped towards me, his blue eyes piercing. "You are safe here Annie."

"There is no way in hell I'm just going to stay here and just sit around till someone finds me." I glared at all the men in front of me, panicking as I racked my brain for an escape route.

_How could I get out of here?_

I held my head up and tried to look confident. "I want to leave with my... my husband."

I saw one man open his mouth to speak, but the blonde man stalked towards me. "Absolutely not."

"You can't tell me what to do."

"I am your husband."

"I may be deflowered but I will not be devalued!"

Everyone turned to gawk at me. My 'husband's' mouth was hanging wide open.

"Just because I am married does not mean he can tell me what to do! If I'm as free as you all say I am then I can literally just follow you."

The tall old man with the cheesy looking hat gave me a smile. "I do believe lady Annie is correct. After all, we are letting the hobbits join our journey."

I gave him a huge grin. "See! He agrees with me."

All the 'elves' looked around at each other in some sort of silent communication.

The blonde man was seething and they all huddled in a group and murmured quietly among themselves. A man with long dark hair turned to look at me after giving everyone else a hard stare. "It seems we have found our tenth companion."

I looked over at my so called husband and saw only anger in his blue eyes. I gave him a wink.

* * *

I was given only a couple minutes to pack my belongings and offered a small breakfast before I was ushered away. I was able to combine everything into my large camping backpack and another decent sized purse. I wasn't leaving unprepared either. I stuffed every piece of bread I could find and stuffed it into my bag.

Of course, I looked ridiculous, and when I shuffled up to the nine other people I was supposed to go on this so called quest with, all they did was stare at me with various looks of concern and curiosity. I shifted slightly and a roll fell out onto the ground. Eyes widening I kicked it away, hoping no one noticed.

Everyone noticed.

Trying to diffuse the tension, I flipped my hair and purse back and went straight up to the group, shaking every one of their hands while they stood in shock, skipping Legolas. "Hi everyone, I'm Annie!"

Everyone didn't seem to know what this type of greeting was and either pulled their hand away from me in shock or let me frantically shake their limp hand.

A tall dark bearded man scoffed. "A woman. I cannot believe it."

I scoffed right back at him. "A _man. _I just can't believe it."

"How dare you mock-"

Legolas stepped forward and the dark haired man stood silent.

No one said a word, just gave panicked looks between myself and Legolas. I cleared my throat and stood awkwardly until I couldn't take it anymore. "Alright let's get this show on the road!" I started speeding walking as fast as I could away from the group.

"Lady Annie. Mordor is to the left."

I turned the opposite direction and continued walking as if I knew where I was going, setting off towards the great beyond, hoping I would find my way home soon.

* * *

Just to be clear, by "setting off" I meant walking... and then some more walking. And the most frustrating part of it all was no one was talking. All anyone did was give not so sly looks between Legolas and I, or gazed at the impossibly small man called Frodo, who apparently was carrying some kind of all-destroying weapon that we were taking to some mountain. Atleast that's what Gandalf briefly described to me anyway.

Legolas stiffly walked in front of me, so I sped walked up next to him and cleared my throat. He gave me a side eye and looked irritated.

Flipping my hair, I tried to appear nonchalant. "So like, how did we meet?"

Still not turning to look at me, he sighed. "You were seventeen and had just run int-"

"You married me when I was _seventeen_?!"

That got him to look at me. He scowled disapprovingly. "Of course not! That was years later."

"Oh."

We continued walking side by side as he kept scowling. The others kept giving us curious glances back, but kept walking ahead as to give us privacy.

"So how did we even get together? By the reaction everyone gave me when I got here, I doubt it was any better the first time. Aren't princes supposed to marry princesses? How long were we married?"

"Yes. It took many years for you to be accepted. And yes, I was to marry a proper elleth until we met." He paused. "You disappeared the morning after our wedding night." His jaw clenched.

I blushed at the words 'wedding night'. "Oh okay."

He didn't say anything, just returned to looking ahead.

"...how was it?"

He started to violently cough and all but ran forward. I shrugged and kept walking, humming quietly to myself.

* * *

**Hi i rewrote this chapter and am starting to update again. i hated how i wrote this chapter so instead of trying to follow to movie verse to a T im going to write shorter chapters with faster updates so i don't lose steam :) thank you im sorry im the most inconsistent asshole in the world. i started 2 twilight fanfics too idk who i am anymore lol**


	3. Mother Effing Cave Trolls

There are certain moments in your life you have to wonder _how the hell did I end up here?_

This was definitely one of those moments.

An arrow zoomed over my head and I yelped, holding myself in a fetal position.

A _fucking cave troll_ was not even ten yards from me.

First it had been jumping into some bushes hiding from demon birds, that was just whatever. I thought it was all part of the show.

Then it had been trekking through miles of a snow storm on the side of a mountain, which yes had made me start to feel a little nervous.

Now it was a tomb that surrounded us with carcasses of dead people. With a fucking troll and goblins cackling all around us.

It was all starting to feel very real now.

"Don't panic don't panic don't panic." Chanting to myself I tried not to hyperventilate.

I reached into my bag, trying to find anything to defend myself. My hands landed on the only thing I could possibly use.

Suddenly a gnarled disfigured creature was charging towards me and I screamed at the top of my lungs, pointing my plastic water gun straight into its face and pulling the trigger.

It gagged as liquid shot straight into its mouth and I kept screaming as an arrow shot into the side of its head.

A strong hand pulled me up. "We have to run now Annie."

Nodding my head at Legolas I shakily tried to put my toy in my bag, but not before shooting a bunch into my own mouth first.

Legolas gave me a disbelieving look. "What is _that?"_

I winced as the liquid burned my throat and we trudged after the others. "It's Rum. You know, Malibu?." I coughed and held it up to him. "Want some?"

He looked at me like I was an idiot and pulled me along side him. He leaned down in my ear. "Do not let go of me."

Gandalf ushered us towards a chamber. "To the Bridge of Khazad Dum!"

The goblin like creatures were flooding around us like roaches. Legolas didn't let go of my hand.

Tears were streaming down my face. I didn't understand why I was here. It didn't feel like a dream anymore.

_It was all real._

_"_This way!" Gandalf shouted.

We all rushed towards an unknown destination. Pippin stumbled and I grabbed his shirt with all the strength I had and he was able to continue.

A loud rumbling and roaring was coming towards us. Boromir gasped. "What is this new devilry?"

Gandalf was grim. "A balrog.."

He said more but I was too busy looking at the approaching flames of doom that took shape into the most terrifying creature I'd ever seen.

"Holy shit."

We kept running. We ran until we were across the bridge. With the adrenaline shooting through me I almost didn't see Gandalf grasping onto the edge.

"Fly you fools."

And then he was gone.

* * *

The light was blinding as we all stumbled out of the caves. Everyone collapsed in grief.

It was horrible. I didn't know if it was my place to comfort anyone but I held onto Pippin and Merry, who were shaking.

"Legolas get them up." Aragorn shouted.

"Give then a moment for pity's sake."

Frodo was turned away in utter despair. We marched on.

I turned to Legolas, desperate to say something. His features were unreadable.

He had pulled me out of harms way probably ten times already so far on this journey.

What did this all mean if no one was going to hurt me?

_Did I really know all these people?_

* * *

**HI sorry its another short chapter. Annie is getting a little reality check here! Next chapter will be wayyyyyy longer in Lothlorien. Smooches! please review even though theres not much to go on! :)) theres like literally no legolas interaction in this one but soooo much in the next chapter.**

**BLACK LIVES MATTER **


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